About Alpha Males and Gay Guys :-)

Last week was an amasing week for me again.  For a time now, I have been working together with a great teacher-coach-colleague of mine, Inge Rock.  Last week was the third edition of her Coaching Academy.  Twenty people in progress of being a coach in one way or another, from personal coaching, to business, from childrens education, to coaching yourself. I myself give meditation training in the morning and teach here and there troughout the seminar.  Being a coach on a seminar like that, people tend to put you on a pedestal.  Not literally of course, but they seem to think that you are someone who has it all figured out and never has any 'problems' anymore.
Sure, we have quite some things figured out, otherwise we would not be able to help other people, and we don't call problems 'problems', but challenges, which puts them in a different perspective.
But we do fall, you can be sure of that!  We are every bit as human as our clients and students. On the other hand it is also true, that the moment I start to fall, I also immediatly realise something beautifull is being born in that moment.

I would like to share with you one of my new 'children' that has been born in the last week.

During the first few days of the seminar, I felt quite shut down.  Something was holding my energy back.  I almost immediately realised what that reason was.  A former superior of mine from a company I used to work for, was attending the seminar.  Usually I am very open hearted on seminars like this, but now, every time I wanted to speak, I held back.  When I was speaking directly to him, I even felt very uncomfortable.
Although my ego first wanted to blame him for my feeling uncomfortable, I -by now- always realise that my feelings are 'my' feelings, and that what I feel, is guided by my perspective.  I even saw this duality in myself reflected in other attendees of the seminar.  Some saw in him the 'intimidating power-businessman', others saw him as a sweet and sensitive man.

This situation came to a climax, when I had to coach one of the seminar attendees though the same issue I had with him. (obviously it was not an issue, it was what I was telling myself about him).  She felt very intimidated by him - as did I.  Through the coaching session we turned this around in her wanting to be more self-confident in his presence.  The broather picture being: being self confident in the presence of very male energy in general
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It was all so beautifully set up!  She was 'by coincidence' set up with him as a pair to do trial coaching sessions.  So she got a real life opportunity in that moment to experience and preactice her new insight.  And she did!  And she was so happy!

So now I was in a very funny situation: my client had 'released' a problem, I had helped her doing it, but I myself was still experiencing the 'issue'.

So that evening, I did it.  Although I normally would have sat down at the dinner table with a crowd I could have easy conversation with, I sat down right in front of him.  And we started talking.  General conversation actually, nothing special, but the great thing was my observation of myself.  Every time my ego got me a little bit nervous, I told myself to relax and focus on the new image I had made of him.  By then I had realised, I was still holding an old image of him in my mind from years ago.  And I let go of that.  And I chose to see the sweet and gentle version of him. In the end we hugged :-)

This story has thought me so much!  It has helped my being more open and loving towards my own father, who -for my whole life- I have had this same uncomfortable feeling with.
I am a very Yin energy in a male body and I have always felt great intimidation with strong Yang energy.  The funny thing is, that I only notice this on very rare occasions, as I usually do not attract this energy.  I tend to ignore the Alpha Males :-)

But I am so glad I was able to raise my selfconfidence in this situation, to see that this is just an energy 'different' from mine, but not at all 'threatening'.  Unless you act like you are being threatened.

Last night we had a family dinner for my brothers birthday.

And for the first time of my life I patted my father on the shoulder.

And meant it.

How's that for transformation :-)

I whish you all great mirrors in the people you meet,
And strong knowing that the way you feel, is the way 'you' feel,
And that you can change that,
Anytime you want.

Love you all sweet people!